Finding a group of other outsiders doesn't always bring the expected sense of home. You may still feel a step removed, as though everyone else belongs naturally and your particular kind of difference has somehow missed even this place.
Looks vs reality
The same Experience can look very different from the outside than it feels on the inside.
"You seem so comfortable and at home with this group."
I am performing 'relaxed neurodivergent' so hard my teeth hurt. I'm convinced they all got a secret handbook I missed, and I'm one wrong move away from being found out.
"You're being quiet, just taking it all in?"
I'm overwhelmed by the feeling that everyone else's struggles are more 'valid' than mine, and I have no right to take up space here. I feel like a tourist in the land of misfits.
"Haha, that's so relatable!"
After sharing something, I'm instantly convinced my version of the experience was 'wrong' or 'not weird enough,' and now everyone knows I'm a fraud.
"Wow, you really get it."
I'm desperately mirroring your experience to prove I belong, hoping you won't notice the profound fear that I am the one person in this room who doesn't actually fit.
"You should join in more! Don't be shy!"
It’s not shyness. My brain is running a constant calculation: 'Risk of being discovered as an impostor' vs. 'Reward of potential connection.' The risk analysis department is winning.
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