As you begin to recover, your capacity is still very thin. A small noise, interruption or change can feel enormous and send you backwards. You may be out of the worst of the crash without being ready for ordinary demands.
- starting to feel better until an unexpected visitor arrives
- being sent back into shutdown by a noisy appliance during a quiet recovery day
- managing one simple errand but unraveling when the shop changes your order
- feeling relatively steady until several messages arrive at once
Looks vs reality
The same Experience can look very different from the outside than it feels on the inside.
"You seem so much better! Glad you're back to your old self."
My battery is at 2%, and I'm using all of it to appear 'normal.' My old self is still on backorder.
"It was just a small change of plans. Why is that such a big deal?"
My brain had just enough processing power for the *original* plan. A tiny change feels like a total system reboot I don't have the energy for.
"You're being so sensitive. It's not that loud in here."
My sensory filters are completely offline. Every light is a spotlight, every sound is an air horn, and I'm trying not to crumble.
"You're being really quiet. Are you mad at me or something?"
I'm not mad. I'm in extreme energy-conservation mode. Talking and emoting cost more than I have in the bank right now.
"But you were totally fine yesterday! What changed?"
Recovery isn't a straight line. Yesterday I had a teaspoon of energy; today I have a thimble. I have to honor what my system needs in this exact moment.
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