You can feel that your energy or tolerance is nearly gone, but you keep moving as though it isn't. The warning signs become something to negotiate with rather than respond to. You stop only when continuing is no longer possible.
- noticing that noise has become painful but staying at the event anyway
- working through a pounding headache because the task still isn't finished
- agreeing to one more errand when you're already struggling to think
- telling yourself you'll rest after the next thing, then adding another thing
Looks vs reality
The same Experience can look very different from the outside than it feels on the inside.
"You're a machine! You get so much done."
I'm running on pure adrenaline and the fear of what will happen if I stop. The 'machine' is actively ignoring smoke alarms.
"You seem a little quiet or spaced out."
My internal power has been diverted to core functions only. Non-essential social processing is officially offline to prevent a total crash.
"Wow, you seem pretty irritable today."
My entire nervous system is a frayed wire. Irritability is the only defense I have left to keep people from asking for one more thing I don't have.
"It's great that you're so committed and reliable."
This isn't commitment, it's a hostage situation. My sense of worth feels tied to finishing this, even if it runs me into the ground.
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