You state a boundary as clearly as you can, expecting the clarity to prevent confusion. Instead, the directness becomes the issue, and you're suddenly dealing with a conflict about how you said it.
- saying 'please don't call after nine' and being told you sounded cold
- declining a last-minute plan plainly, then spending the evening repairing the hurt
- asking for a conversation to stop and having the boundary treated as an attack
Looks vs reality
The same Experience can look very different from the outside than it feels on the inside.
"That was so blunt. It feels like you don't even care."
I cared so much that I tried to be surgically precise with my words to prevent future hurt or confusion.
"Why are you attacking me? It feels like you're starting a fight."
This isn't an attack, it's an attempt to build a fence so we both know exactly where we stand and can feel safe together.
"You're being so rigid and inflexible."
My brain needs clear lines to function. What feels like 'going with the flow' to you can feel like drowning in uncertainty for me.
"It feels like you're just trying to push me away."
I'm actually trying to build a sustainable way for us to stay close, one that doesn't lead to me burning out or shutting down.
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