Flattery, ritual politeness and subtle status signals may not feel valuable or even register as part of the exchange. You focus on what is being said or done, while the extra social layer passes by unnoticed.
- answering the question directly without returning the expected compliment
- missing that a particular seating choice signals status to the group
- not joining in when colleagues praise a manager's ordinary decision
- forgetting the small polite exchange before getting to the purpose of a call
Looks vs reality
The same Experience can look very different from the outside than it feels on the inside.
"You're so arrogant, acting like you know everything."
"I was just sharing information I thought was relevant and useful."
"Why are you being so rude? You don't care about my feelings."
"I'm trying to be as clear as possible to avoid misunderstanding. Honesty feels kinder than ambiguity."
"They're just not a 'people person'."
"I love people, but the unwritten rules of interaction are exhausting and confusing."
"They're trying to be difficult on purpose."
"I am trying so hard to get this right. I wish you'd just tell me what you mean."
Understand what’s happening—and help someone else understand.
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