Physical cues don't always arrive with clear meanings attached. You may not know what a partner's movement is asking for, while your own comfort, discomfort or desire can be equally hard to turn into useful words.
- wondering whether a change in touch was an invitation or just a change in position
- knowing something feels wrong but not being able to say what should be different
- answering 'I don't know' when a partner asks what kind of touch you want
Looks vs reality
The same Experience can look very different from the outside than it feels on the inside.
You pulled away when I touched your arm. Are you mad at me?
My brain is just lagging. It's trying to translate that sensation from 'unexpected input' into 'oh, that's affection!'
You're so specific. Does it really matter *how* I rub your back?
Yes, deeply! I'm not being picky; I'm trying to hand you a treasure map that leads directly to what feels connecting for my nervous system.
You loved that yesterday, but today you flinched. I can't win.
My sensory tolerance changes daily. What felt cozy yesterday is like sandpaper to my system today. It's about my internal battery, not you.
You seem frozen or distant. Are you even here with me?
I'm so *here* that I'm completely flooded. My brain is swimming in sensory data and I'm trying to process it all without shutting down.
If you don't like something, just tell me.
I'm searching my entire internal library for the right words to explain a sensation, while also managing the fear of hurting your feelings.
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