A simple answer can keep growing because every missing detail feels like another chance to be misunderstood. By the time you've added the context, exceptions and exact sequence, the yes or no is buried several paragraphs deep.
- writing five paragraphs in reply to a message that asked whether you can come
- explaining the entire morning before saying why you were late
- adding three disclaimers to a straightforward opinion
- retelling a conversation word for word so nobody takes your part the wrong way
Looks vs reality
The same Experience can look very different from the outside than it feels on the inside.
Looks like they're a know-it-all who loves the sound of their own voice.
Feels like if I leave out one tiny detail, the whole story will collapse and I'll be completely misunderstood.
Looks like they're being defensive and making a bunch of excuses.
Feels like I'm just providing crucial context so my actions or feelings make sense.
Looks like they don't trust my intelligence to figure it out on my own.
Feels like I don't trust my own ability to explain things concisely and correctly the first time.
Looks like they're trying to dominate the conversation.
Feels like my brain is just dumping all the related files at once and I'm trying to sort them in real-time.
Understand what’s happening—and help someone else understand.
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